And for those being nagged: you cannotignorethe requests of your partner for years, and expectthemto forgive you for that either. Update:Some of the negative speculators have assumed your wife dumped you because you were too frugal. This part may be necessary to address because of the money theme of this blog. Two people can peacefully collect up their financial and physical belongings and go their separate ways, and the only cost is in any duplication of possessions you choose to do, to replace things you formerly shared. Lewis was married to Joy Davidman. Just Stop Spending Seth My mom was a strong introvert but was a community volunteer in a wide, wide variety of organizations (one at a time) to fulfill her social needs. And it is important for these people to hear that although divorce is always difficult, sometimes it really is the best choice and there should not be shame or blame associated with this choice. Please do take the best possible care of yourself. When he got back she waited to see if the affair would continue then had him served divorce papers while he was in bed with the neighbor. My daughter just told me she is getting divorced which also surprised the heck out of me. You need to proactively nurture a close, loving relationshipbeforethings get too dire, and never take it for granted. Thank you for sharing this. Woah! Mr. Money Mustache shares his early retirement secrets in an interview for the new Financial Independence Podcast! Im reminded of a refrain from an old Dave Mason song there aint no good guy, there aint no bad guy theres only you and me and we just disagree. Good luck to all of you. How does the happiness level of happy married people compare to the happiness level of happy single people? MMM, good for you re civil divorce. February 4, 2019, 1:11 pm. Its KBB is about $3500. If anything, use the experience for the valuable life lessons, and count the many blessings in your life and continue to build on them. Our financial planner had me working until age 68 (2022) I ran the numbers again with the tools and common sense you provided. . Hey Alana, And if you dont choose to fight, a divorce doesnt have to cost much at all. Besides lowering your expenses to bare minimum, maybe you can rearrange your house (sleep all in the same room) to rent out other rooms to pay for the mortgage and even have some extra money left over. If you think you are hardcore enough to handle Maximum Mustache, feel free to start at the first article and read your way up to the present using the links at the bottom of each article. All the best to anyone else going through this scenario, especially with kids. Top 5 life crisis type trauma, but it eases with time. January 2, 2019, 8:36 am, Your story made me think about my situation and motivated me to let my spouse how much I appreciate what she does every day. They told me, so change that or dont be that guy. You would go through a few months of training, and then do volunteer and advanced training to maintain your status. Take a different route to work than you usually do, and a different route home. My very amicable divorce became final just two days ago, and i find it normalizing and validating to read your experience. My spouse was skeptical, so we ran it by a different financial planner and then again with our guy. I decided to keep improving my chances of a better paying job and decided to go to university. It can be done. My wife and I have learned so much from you and we are forever grateful for your contributions to our family and friends and this society as a whole. Because they are worth it. As for the blogger that distastefully tried to capitalize on this rumor by writing a lengthy post using your name and this subject as its posting name, I have unfollowed the blog ever since and I will not read it again unless a proper apology and other follow up damage controls are properly issued. Sorry to hear that. Be resilient. If you have any nature/environmental interests, see what you can find. The number 1 reason FIRE made so much sense to us was our desire to spend so much time together. You may have to examine whether or not you can afford to live in your current home. The One Hundredth Monkey . You may be two perfectly great people with irreconcilable differences, or there might be one great person stuck with an abusive user or loser, or any other combination in the grand spectrum of possible humans. Those are pretty bad odds. I hope the bump of divorce on the road to badassity doesnt deter anyone. Figure half of the remaining 45 marriages are happy marriages. Anonymous I wish all three of you the very best. I look forward to reading your future post regarding continued growth. I hope others read your blog and are encouraged towards finding their own amicable ending to relationships if needed. I think you both do that. Another inspirational and honest piece of writing. Makes the blog so much more real if you include all of lifes ups and downs. I have a few questions: 1) Is there anything you and the mrs could have done different that could have prevented this? When you are young, energetic, and gregarious, marriage and kids can definitely make things a lot harder, but things start looking different when you are old without kids or you get (really) sick. Mr. Money Mustache is the website and pseudonym of 48-year-old [2] Canadian-born blogger Peter Adeney. Happy and healthy new year to you and your family! Yep the idea of a mediocre partnership just so someone can change my diapers sounds like hell to me. Your story sounds similar to mine. BTW I want to add that tomorrow January 1 is the first day of the year I turn 55. Utah Valley Being married to the wrong person is such an emotional and psychological drag. In reality life (and marriage) is a complex and changing process which includes kids as well as getting old and weaker. Oh, and if anyone is thinking of driving for Uber or Lyftt, make sure you have a good tip box. It is a testament to your characters that you are able to part on such terms. Mr. Money Mustache Anonymous, That's how I reconcile the money we waste on Rent-the-Runway and a Country Club membership we never use. December 31, 2018, 8:04 pm. I took the love languages quiz some time backs and really think each needs to be aware of each others language. Very brave to share that news. When I heard the news, I thought to myself, "how could this happen?" How could a couple split up when on paper, everything seemed so perfect? And mellower and friendlier. This may be a time to get a housemate, get assistance at your local food pantry, apply for any programs associated with low income households (utilities will lower your monthly bill, you may get some heating assistance, etc. Focus on what keeps you happy. My ex husband then started his turbulent time of realising the marriage was over and the window to work on it had closed. December 31, 2018, 6:03 pm. The opportunity cost of fighting is way too high in these situations. Since I have no SS, pension or retirement I basically decided to myself that my retirement plan would be a self induced deadly accident. May as well play hard, and be kind. Reconciling life after divorce is a tricky operation, be it financial, emotional, spiritual, interpersonal, etc. December 31, 2018, 5:47 pm, Ironic that you posted this today I was divorced five years ago on 12 31 2013. The gossip has to hurt and the internet can be ruthless, likely filled with people who are experiencing their own levels of hurt. Mr. Money Mustache retired in his early thirties and has recently emerged as one of the most inspiring personal finance authors in cyberspace. Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Women may work when they need to or want to. Point is many of the years were happy so 96% of my sisters married life was good. With the rule of 55 with regard to my most recent 401K, I can technically retire. He had to go overseas for 6 months and gave her POA over all their assets. Ignore them if you can or shut them down. Its a shame he never wrote a follow-up piece on his post-marriage thoughts (she pre-deceased him by 3yrs), Katie Camel Mspbiker 55 end in divorce. Therefore, it was shameful for Mrs. Money Mustache too. And read the other comments, to see what other people around you are feeling. Frogdancer Jones Your post today reminded me keep my head and heart focused on those dearest to me as I take my first steps of financial freedom tomorrow. I would even contact their governing body if they really do exaggerate or sensationalize the details of your life event. Addendum #2: Podcast Why your house is a terrible investment with Radical Personal Finance Video Why your house is a terrible investment with Mike & Lauren YouTube. Two-L Michelle This section of writing resonated with me also: Most of us (myself included) drift through the years, assuming we are doing a perfectly good job at being married, while unintentionally making all the same mistakes that everyone else makes.. [volume] (Rural Retreat, Va.) 1892-1918, January 26, 1912, Image 7, brought to you by Library of Virginia; Richmond, VA, and the National Digital Newspaper Program. This is the reason why my wife (Mrs. RB40) . Both you and (the former) Mrs. Money Mustache have achieved much financial prosperity and going forward, will still be able to prosper. And thank you for such a great blog! Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Thank you for sharing such a personal matter with us. The answer is NO. Mr. Money Mustache But the more conflict you have with that ex, the harder it is to cooperate, which leads to a worse experience for everyone especially your children. Divorce rates have never been as high as 55%, and have been dropping for decades. . I felt that the turbulence I had coming to my decision while trying to make the marriage work was replaced with relief once that switch had flipped. Surviving is the most important thing when you are in a crisis and are getting emotional. Keep up the good work sir! Their opinion of your personal matters are irrelevant. In the end Ive come to appreciate how youve handled being a father, husband and now partner in raising your son. I found that my attempts at rebuilding the marriage were never really a priority until I finally said I wanted to divorce and by then nothing was salvageable. If youre still married and there is even achancethat you want it to last, you might consider the following steps. Our friends and families had so many questions when we announced our separation there were no major injuries, no addiction, no betrayals. September 27, 1961. Then we retired from real work way back in 2005 in order to start a family. In my experience and from discussions with others (women mostly so its a fairly skewed premise) the initiator has just already worked through the realisation and subsequent grief of the relationships end. Odds are against you if you meet and marry in your twenties. It is hard to reflect and plan for your next relationship while you are in one, and it is hard to appreciate and treasure company when you have never enjoyed and endured solitude. I hope I never go through a divorce. According to endless research, after a divorce, kids are likely to experience distress, anger, anxiety, and disbelief. etc. Because divorce, especially with children and family and traditions involved, is really fuckinghard. Join a Permaculture community. That cant be easy to do with some people being what they are. I spent quite a while going back and forth over my own divorce after 24 years of marriage that could been better spent elsewhere. January 1, 2019, 3:35 pm. Wow, great post MMM. If this is the only alternative. because I already have bikes Love it. And this is fine if you don't mind being part-owner in a company whose top (dare I say, only) concerns are growth and profit. Having experienced it myself and reading ad nauseum on the topic, youre right on about the initiator having the advantage of planning their exit far in advance of the one on the receiving end.